holy crap

my bf's a good photographer.

my grey hairs

okay, this is something I think about updating you readers on every time I look in the bathroom mirror. but then I think, oh the most recent photos of me are on b's computer, and b's in L.A., and yeah b could email them to me, but then I'd have to ask him, and then I just talk myself out of doing the post altogether. so maybe i'll just do the post and then it will motivate me to get my mits on some pics.

this is what I think whenever I look in the mirror, now that there are many inches of grey grown out and only a speck of hair color left on the ends- it's not nearly as grey as I thought it was going to be. after ten-plus years of keeping it under wraps, sure that the grey would be shockingly noticeable- I come to find out- not so much. here's something to keep in mind if you are trying to grow out your color- the roots you see look greyer than they actually are because they are next to a solid band of color. here's something else I've realized- my grey is predominantly on the first few layers of hair, starting from the crown. All of the hair underneath is dark brown. It's like the opposite effect of greying at the temples. I suppose each person's hair has a different pattern.

I'm still fascinated by just how many people, especially women, color their hair. Seeing someone who is grey is strange to the eyes. Adjusting to my new appearance isn't easy- many times I'm tempted to run into the Duane Reade and buy some hair color. And I avoid looking at myself in the mirror in certain stores that have unflattering lighting. I hope I'll get over my hangups sometime soon. Maybe my appearance will inspire someone else to stop coloring his/her hair. and before you know it, it won't be such a strange thing.

watching the woodstock movie made me long for a time when people looked more natural. I was only three when the concert took place, but I remember the era stretching well into the 70's. maybe it's time for a new era of peace, love, and rock n' roll?

candid

confessions of a haircolor junky

becoming a blogger means taking on a certain amount of responsibility to your readers. If you start posting in a way that charts your progress, in say, growing out your natural grey hair, there is an expectation that the posts will appear periodically. If the subject of the post is something that is difficult for the blogger to engage in, then there might a reluctance to post as often as the readers might want. Upon my last post I did in fact state that I would be posting a photograph of my hair soon. b got a few shots of me while we were doing the Imme shoot, and I thought I would post one or two. but when I went to edit the photos, I didn't like how they looked (unflattering, taken the day before I came down with a cold, making me feel inferior to the younger, beautiful models we shot that day) and I never put them up.

the other night b and I were walking around manhattan as the sun was going down. peering into a brightly lit shop window, I caught my reflection in the mirrored backdrop. seeing my salt and pepper bangs, I looked more soccer mom than Louise Brooks (the inspiration for my current haircut.)

when I performed for dancenOw in early september, I feared that grey roots wouldn't be a good onstage look, and used a washout haircolor that day. the color stayed for a couple of weeks, and I liked how it made the grey more subtle. I still had a half a bottle of loving care sitting on the shelf mocking me, and as I write this post, it's covering my hair. to quote Jane Hanstein Cunniffe, set your self free. you can always go back.

going grey as an environmental choice?

My mom starting going grey when she was in her 30's. Being a pretty low-maintenance person, she's left it natural. I remember an uncharacteristic outburst from her one night at the dinner table when I was a kid. Her hairdresser had convinced her to try a "rinse," and none of us in the family had noticed. This was enough fuel for her to never try coloring it again. Taking after her, I saw my first few grey hairs when I was in my late 20's. But being far more vain than my mom, I've been keeping my secret under wraps with dark brown or black dye ever since.

As the years go by, my hair continues to get greyer- a shocking reminder that, try as I might to hide it, I am getting older. The coloring habit becomes problematic in that it creates an addiction to looking a certain way- a way in which my friends, family, and coworkers become accustomed to seeing me. I've considered going natural many times through the years, but feared the thought of all the attention it would bring- "oh my god! your hair! it's grey!" is not something I've wanted to hear or have to explain.

I have several reasons for wanting to go natural. Coloring my hair is a pain. It costs money. It ruins clothing, towels, and pillow cases. It dries out my hair and gives it a strange texture. It makes me feel like I'm trying to be someone I'm not.

Dyeing hair promotes ageism by perpetrating a societal myth of eternal youth. It devalues the virtues of being an adult such as maturity, wisdom, and patience. It encourages us to be in denial about something over which we have no control- the fact that we will all get old.

And hair color has its environmental drawbacks. Let's face it- it is a wasteful process. Despite the fact that I use plant-based "natural" color, it's packaged in non-recyclable plastic bottles. And far more people use chemical hair color, a potentially harmful practice I'm allying myself with if I continue to do this.

So this time- as I've watched my roots grow in grey- I'm deciding to give it a shot and see what my natural color looks like. I had my hair cut today into a cute bob, making the process a little less scary.

So now I'd like to hear from you. Is there anyone out there who has made a similar choice? Are you tired of being tethered to a practice which runs counter to your own ethical or environmental beliefs? Have you been inspired by Helen Mirren? I know I have! Or are you one of the brave ones who has never colored your hair? Do you think it's harder for women to go grey than it is for men? Let me know what you think!